Five Ways Women Destroy Their Husband And Kill Their Marriage. But Am I Being Serious?

This is my first blogpost for 2015. But given what I am about to discuss here, we could easily be talking about 1815.

It’s a topic racking up millions of views and shares on social media. Seven point five million to be exact, at the time of writing. You guessed right, Sex and Marriage.

At the centre of this firestorm is an article published on a website called FamilyShare.com and written by a woman called Katelyn Carmen. Now I can’t tell you much about Katelyn Carmen. She is a graduate from the University of Utah and a Mormon, which might explain some of her antiquated views on sex, relationships, and a woman’s ‘duties’ as a wife. By now you might be getting a bit of an idea on where this is going.

Katelyn called her piece, 5 Ways You Are Unknowlingly Destroying Your Husband and Killing Your Marriage. Clearly, it is directed at women, who she thinks should know better but they don’t. Now, personally I think the safest thing for me to do is to include this disclaimer.

  • I offer all of this without prejudice.
  • I don’t endorse any of the ideas suggested
  • I deny any responsibility for the moral outrage it might engender.

Ok. So now we’ve got that out of the way, lets deal with the nitty-gritty. Katelyn writes: “When I got married, I was amazed at the instant, overwhelming sense of responsibility I felt to love and care for my husband. Suddenly, a huge part of someone else’s wellbeing and happiness was largely affected by my choices and actions. Women, we need to be careful about how we are caring for our husbands and marriages. Don’t let the small stuff ruin the things that will bring you the greatest happiness in life.”

Now at this point you might be already saying surely this applies equally to husbands and how they should treat their wives. And to be fair to Katelyn, she does point that out but the problem she has, as I see it, no one believes her when she says it applies to men. On the issue of living within your means, Katelyn writes: “A wise old woman from my church congregation once advised: “The best thing you can do as a wife is to live within your husband’s means.” Constantly complaining about not having enough to fulfill your lavish desires or racking up astronomical amounts of debt on your credit card is a poor way of saying “thank you” to a faithful spouse who works hard every day to provide for the family. Yes, you may not have enough to buy that Kate Spade bag you’ve had your eyes on for months, but your husband will love and appreciate the fact that you honor him and are grateful for what he provides.”

Yes. She is being serious. Wait. There’s more.

Wives are apparently too negative. Katelyn writes: “Negativity is draining. Men like to fix things, and constantly being hounded with complaints makes it difficult for him to help solve your pains. If there is one thing I’ve learned from marriage is that a good man wants you to be happy, and if he can’t help you do that, it makes him unhappy. It’s okay to have a bad day once in a while, that’s totally understandable, but don’t make it a way of life.” (Wives might want to start drinking wine early in the afternoon if they want to accomplish this: my advice)

But Katelyn saves the very best until last: “Men crave and need physical affection with their wives. When you constantly decline intimacy, it wears on them. Sex should not be used as a tool to control your spouse; it should be viewed as a sacred tool to draw you closer to one another and to God. It is a great blessing to be wanted and needed by a loving, romantic husband who wants to share something so beautiful and important with you — and you only. Even though you might not always be in the mood, it’s worth it to give in (when you can) and spend that time bonding.”

Hang on Katelyn I need to pick you up on the “you only” reference. Doesn’t your religion actively promote men having more than one wife? So strictly speaking it’s going to be ok if he’s shagging more than just you according to the Mormon religion.

Anyway, I’ve digressed when I shouldn’t.

Now, as you might expect, not everyone was thrilled with what Katelyn had to say. For example one blogger said: “It turns out that while I’ve spent all these years trying to make us happy, I should have been worried about making him happy. Why? I don’t know. Because (of his) penis, I guess.”

Another blogger mockingly rephrased Katelyn’s words: “Men, susceptible creatures that they are, need lots and lots of physical affection. They cannot live without it and if you neglect your wifely duties, then he’s just going to go elsewhere, and you’ll be a bad, bad wife. Seriously, they’ll give you a trophy. Never mind if you don’t feel well, or you’re tired, or just not in the mood, your husband’s needs surmount yours and it is your duty to give him all the pleasure he wants and needs.”

According to Katelyn, one of the main relationship problems is that husbands and wives don’t speak the same language. Or should I say, wives don’t understand their husbands, and it’s all their fault. She writes: “Don’t waste your time giving subtle hints that he won’t understand: Speak plainly to him. Be honest about your feelings, and don’t bottle things up until you burst. If he asks you what’s wrong, don’t respond with “nothing” and then expect him to read your mind and emotions.”

But can you imagine my surprise, not to mention my amusement, when I came across another study which suggests the way to really improve a marriage is for a husband to spend more time at work and less time with his wife. The more overtime he does, the healthier his wife will become because the extra income means they can afford cleaners and the wife can spend more time on herself pursuing such things as vigorous exercise or playing sport.

Getting back to Katelyn, she says she is genuinely mystified by the strong reaction her article has caused. “The advice I gave in this article was influenced by a variety of sources, including my college studies and research — I minored in marriage and family studies — family therapists who contribute content to the site, my own marriage and advice from couples I know who’ve have had long, successful marriages.

“Marriage is a partnership. My advice is just as important and relevant to men –- and we publish advice for both men and women on the site,” she said. “As spouses, we should be willing to help one another as equal partners as we honor and serve one another. That, in turn, will bring the greatest likelihood of a successful marriage.”

I know I should be gracious, and acknowledge that Katelyn is talking about both sides in the relationship. And most people would agree with her on that point but call me cynical, I just don’t believe she really means it.

Paying It Forward

Sometimes when you come across random good advice the best thing you can do is pay it forward. So that’s what I’m doing.

Mind you it comes from a man called Siimon Reynolds. And yes that is how he spells his name. I am always a bit dubious about men who spell their name in that completely fake manner. But his advice looks like the real deal.

Australia, and in all probability pretty much everywhere else in the world, is gripped by start up company fever. There are companies that accelerate, incubate, mentor and educate. Young entrepreneurs are being given the opportunity to win coaching sessions and seed money for their next big, bright business idea.

Enter Siimon Reynolds, advertising guru. Well he would be with a name like that. He offers advice that can be divided up along the following lines:

  1. Fake it until you make it. Reynolds says one of the most common mistakes made by business people is to focus on building a business without building a strong self-image. You won’t get anywhere with just a vision of what your company is going to look like you need to be able to see yourself as a great future entrepreneur. You can’t build a company without building you, so fake it until you make it. In other words choose a future version of yourself and then behave as if you already have those qualities.
  2. Forget about the furniture. The most common mistake made by new business owners is they don’t spend enough time marketing their business and the best way to attract customers. Reynolds says a start up needs to spend 70 percent of its time trying to get customers, instead of choosing office furniture or getting the website up and running. According to a study by research company, Dunn & Bradstreet, the main reason why businesses fail across most industries in because of low sales. In other words if you don’t spend most of your time working on ways to generate sales you are going to fail.
  3. Online start-ups rarely get it right. Too many businesses focus on their platform instead of their brand. Start with your brand and work backwards. What is your proposition? point of difference? How can you compete? Here’s an example of getting it right. A fashion retailer partners with a shopping center to offer a click and collect service.
  4. Learn to fail forwards. The risk of doing nothing is always greater than the risk of doing something. Reynolds says the cost of failure now is much lower than it was in the past so literally there is no excuse not to have a go. But that’s doesn’t mean taking a cowboy attitude, a second mortgage or betting the farm. Reynolds says every journey leads somewhere. It might not necessarily be where you want to go at the time but success is rarely a straight line either. Failure is part of that journey. Apparently in Silicon Valley they call it failing forwards. The way to get into the game is to get into the game. Some of the great businesses in the 21st century, like Facebook, Google or Twitter are a long, long, long way from where they started out.
  5. Focus on doing one thing well. Another big barrier for startups is a lack of focus. They start a business with 20 products or try to have multiple businesses at once. They look at people like Richard Branson running 400 companies but they don’t realize Branson had just one company for a decade. Reynolds says the successful entrepreneur is not necessarily the one who chases the shiny object or the shiny market. You have to ask yourself this question. If I were to pick one thing and become the best in the world at it, what would it be?
  6. Throw out the Schoolbook. In order to be a successful entrepreneur you need to throw away everything you’ve learned in traditional education. University degrees don’t build successful businesses. The rules of the game have changed. The rule is there are no rules for how to start a successful business. An MBA prepares you to think in an entrepreneurial way but it won’t prepare you for starting your own business. It won’t ever show you how to market a product with no money. The world is changing fast. You’ve got to change with it and adapt.

So there you go. My gratuitous advice for the day but it carries this disclaimer. I have not personally followed any of these tips or suggestions yet. But if you have or do and it worked let me know. With all the doom and gloom in the world it would be nice to hear about something good.

 

 

The World Is Really Flat

Forget about global warming. What we should all be worried about is global cooling.

So where did that ‘genius’ idea originate? Would you believe from a senior economic advisor to the Australian Government.

Yes I am being serious. Maurice Newman is the Government’s chief economic advisor. In fact he chair’s the Prime Minister’s Business Advisory Council.

Newman says there is “ evidence that the world is set for a period of cooling, rather than warming, leading to significant geopolitical problems because of a lack of preparedness.

He also warned “ Australia is ill prepared for global cooling owing to widespread “warming propaganda.”

In an opinion piece for a major national daily newspaper, Mr Newman wrote: “What if the warmth the world has enjoyed for the past 50 years is the result of solar activity, not man-made CO2?

“The Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change and its acolytes pay scant attention to any science, however strong the empirical evidence, that may relegate human causes to a lesser status.”

Newman says money spent on studying climate change has been “to largely preordain scientific conclusions”. He says this has caused “serious damage on economies and diminished the west’s standing and effectiveness in world affairs”.

Newman claims scientists discovered a rapid drop in solar activity, with a “global warming pause” occurring in the past 18 years.

“But the political establishment is deaf to this,” he says. “Having put all our eggs in one basket and having made science a religion, it bravely persists with its global warming narrative, ignoring at its peril and ours, the clear warnings being given by mother-nature.

“If the world does indeed move into a cooling period, its citizens are ill-prepared.”

Newman, who has no scientific background, has repeatedly attacked mainstream climate science over the past year, claiming that Australia has become “hostage to climate change madness” and dismissing the overwhelming evidence of warming caused by carbon emissions. He is also strongly critical of investment in renewable energy.

Needless to say there are a lot of people including a significant number of climate scientists itching to take on Maurice Newman. They are accusing him of being misguided and “arrogant” for dismissing well-established evidence of warming in favour of a theory of global cooling

“There’s nothing credible to what he says”, according to Professor Mathew England from the Climate Change Research Centre at the University of New South Wales. “I can’t believe this stuff about cosmic rays is being raised again after it has been discredited

Professor England’s work has demonstrated how strong Pacific winds are pushing surface heat underwater, contributing to the slowdown, or “pause”, in the rise of global temperatures.

“The amount of greenhouses gases we are pumping into the atmosphere means that the solar minimum is just a blip in the next few decades,” he says. “The idea that solar cycles can override climate change driven by greenhouse gases is fanciful.

“Saying we aren’t prepared for global cooling is like saying we aren’t prepared for an alien invasion. There is no credible scientist saying this is on the horizon.

“I think he’s arrogant to think he knows the answer to climate physics when he hasn’t studied it.”

Another climate specialist Professor Steve Sherwood says he isn’t sure how to respond to Newman, given the number of errors in his article.

“The sun doesn’t have as much influence on the climate as we previously thought, the latest estimates are that it explains only 5% of the warming over the last 150 years,” he said.

“We have been in a solar minimum and no one really knows what the sun will do next. I don’t think anyone is saying that the sun will compete with greenhouses gases when it comes to warming the planet.

“What he says may be entertaining but it’s also scary because it’s so out there. It’s so prominent that it’s concerning.”

Despite the warming “pause” that Newman repeatedly refers to, 13 of the 14 warmest years occurred in the 21st century.

2001 to 2010 was the warmest decade on record, while each of the past three decades were warmer than the previous one.

According to the experts, the world has warmed by about 1C over the past century and will get even warmer – by between 0.3C and 4.8C – by 2100, based largely on the amount of greenhouse gases released into the atmosphere.

In fact climate scientists in Australia are clinging to the vain hope that they might be able to meet with Maurice Newman to explain the facts.

The head of Australia’s Climate Council sees the Newman remarks as deeply disturbing.

“ Maurice Newman is a business adviser to the prime minister; you’d expect him to be representing the interests of the business community.

“But what he’s saying fundamentally misrepresents the interests of business, which faces a huge risk, along with the rest of us, from climate change. He’s using his position for a personal crusade in what, I think, is a serious dereliction of duty.”

The former head of BP Australasia, granted a company not noted for its commitment to the environment, had this to say about the Newman opinions:

“Newman holds views that are out of step with those held by serious energy businesses globally and mainstream business in general.

“His views are scientifically wrong and completely ignore the economic and business risks that climate change presents. It is worrying that he is providing this sort of ill-informed advice on energy policy and climate risk to the highest levels of government.”

The next thing the Australian Government will be saying is that the world is really flat. But I don’t want to say it too loudly. It might give them ideas.